Dealing with Change

When the leaves start falling, I tend to reflect on change. The seasons, the temperature, clothing, shoes, daylight, foods, activities, and so on. Whether I am ready for it or not, I hear Sam Cooke singing, “A change is gonna come.” Like many others, while there are several things I enjoy this time of year, I also wrestle with mental health issues during these days. I have come to understand that we can hold multiple emotions at the same time, even when they are opposing feelings. Many factors contribute to my emotional state, but I have been thinking about how change is a trigger for many of us that can lead to anxiety and/or depression. Change brings uncertainty for the future. This can generate fear and anxiety. Likewise, with change, there is always something lost. Loss creates a grieving process. Unresolved or unprocessed grief can develop into depression.

One of our biggest problems is that we are not always consciously aware that we are experiencing these emotions. We try to ignore it, explain it away as the “fall funk”, or attribute our state to “just not feeling well”. Emotional intelligence theory guides us to look at these feelings more intentionally. It is important to be able to name what we are actually feeling. Then, we need to seek out ways to process and regulate these emotions.

While there are many ways to work through our anxiety and depression, each person needs to determine what works for them. Here are a few things that help me:

• Give myself permission to feel whatever I am experiencing (all emotions are relevant).

• See the connection between change and my emotional triggers.

• Seek to understand how my thoughts contribute to the creation of my feelings.

• Take a look at my thoughts to check for cognitive distortions.

• As necessary, reframe my thinking to be more factual and accurate as well as more compassionate.

• Understand that what I am experiencing is a normal biological and neurological process that takes time and intention to work through.

• Use a variety of strategies to process my emotions:

  • Walking, doing tai chi, or playing disc golf

  • Talking with someone

  • Laughing

  • Crying

  • Building something

  • Playing music

  • Asking for a hug

Ultimately, dealing with change requires an acceptance that it is inevitable. Learning to anticipate it and embrace the possibilities that it brings allows us to build a stronger foundation for working through the change. Most importantly, when we learn to be more mindful in the present moment, we minimize the emotional triggers of something lost in the past or something uncertain ahead. This allows us to be more focused on the here and now which is the only place and time we can actually live in.