Roots and Wings
No matter how old our children get, they are still our kids. I thought that I might let go of worrying about them when they left the house, but at times I find I do it even more. Those connections run deep. Our oldest son and his wife have begun a new journey in Germany this month. Lauren went a few weeks ago and Andrew boarded his flight heading there this past Monday and arrived in Berlin nearly a day later. He’s thirty-two years old but I still felt like something left my soul when he took off on his new adventure.
I heard many years ago that two of the most important things to give our kids are roots and wings. The “roots” part develops over time. Sometimes it is intentional, but mostly these are the things that they learn by how they see us living. This slow and steady process is practically invisible while they are growing up. In hindsight, I wish I had better understood what they were internalizing; I would have done some things differently for sure.
The “wings” side of this process can come suddenly and intensely. When they leave as young adults for any number of reasons, we must come to terms that our kids are not our possessions. We have simply been the guardians and providers preparing them to leave the nest. Letting them go to find their way in the world is exhilarating and overwhelming at the same time.
The kids are living their own lives now. I have come to realize that the “wings” dynamic never really stops. They are constantly flying off on new opportunities. That same mixture of emotions still stirs within me whenever they choose a new path or stage in their journeys. I am thankful that I still feel this swirl of feelings because it signifies that our bond is still real and meaningful.
When I was a young adult, I was oblivious to how my parents felt when I rushed out to try my wings. I couldn’t wait to find my place in this world. Knowing what I know now, I am grateful for the foundation and the freedom my folks gave me as I stepped out into adulthood. Being on the parent side now, I can deeply appreciate what Mom and Dad went through.
As Ellen and I have watched our children grow into adults, we have experienced the full gamut of emotions on this amazing journey. We are proud of who they are and what they are doing with their lives. We look forward to having them visit us whenever they can. However, we know that for them to truly find purpose and meaning in their lives, they must fly away.