What Does Love Look Like Now?

I bet many of us feel similarly. Trapped in a fishbowl while the world around us swirls out of control. I have ridden nearly every emotional wave possible. There have been some marvelous highs and some gut-wrenching lows. Sometimes within the same hour. No one has been exempted from having to find a new equilibrium amid all the chaos. It may be a while before we find our balance again.  I can let myself be overwhelmed by that fact or I can use this unprecedented energy to power new opportunities.

One of the things I have tried to do in the past several months is to read or listen to a broad swath of different authors. With more time on my hands than ever before in my life, I have been exploring topics on psychology, racism, religion, spirituality, science, mathematics, emotions, behavior, mental health, creativity, problem solving, culture, teaching, learning, and living. Diving into these diverse contents and disciplines in a relatively short window has helped me realize how connected everything really is. One of the underlying themes that has spoken to me the strongest is love. For those that know me, that is probably not a surprise. Here are a few take-aways for me:

·       The definition of love I embrace is that love is a commitment to the good of the other.

·       Commitment is an act of will.

·       Good is defined in the eye of the receiver.

·       We can’t know someone else’s perspective unless we seek to do so and truly listen.

·       Once we are aware of others’ needs and circumstances, whatever we do next is intentional even if it is doing nothing.

·       If our intention is not for the good of the other, we are creating barriers to real relationship with them.

·       If we look at things holistically – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, we human beings are at our best when we create loving, interdependent relationships with each other.

·       One of the fundamental factors keeping these relationships from happening is our choice to put our own self-interests above all else.

·       At the very core of this dilemma is our fears, insecurities, and distorted beliefs that revolve around the myth of the zero-sum game: if someone else gets something, someone else loses.

·       If we hold that the game is true, we believe we must protect ourselves and our “people” at all costs so that we don’t have less. We hoard our power and resources, build literal and figurative walls to keep others out, and fight to the bitter end to defend our position.

What would it look like if we chose to believe that there is enough for everyone?

What would happen if we chose to truly see others around us as equals and worthy of our love?

What if we worked just as hard at seeking to understand and support each other as we do to protect our own self-interests?

It is really easy to reject all of this because “the world just doesn’t work that way”. However, I reject that premise. I have seen love at work and its power to transform and inspire. If we have learned anything about the pandemic is that the smallest element can change the world. Love actualized is a much greater force than a virus. It is time to put aside our fears and our barriers and work intentionally on the common good of all.