Finding our Emotional Balance

Back in the late 90s, I had the joy of being a school counselor for Bardstown High School. During that time, we began to host a senior retreat each year to give students an opportunity to explore various life skills that are necessary for a balanced and healthy life. In developing materials for the retreat, I began to read about emotional intelligence and the significant impact it has on our lives. From that work, I developed a worksheet for the students called Processing Emotions. There are 4 steps:

·       Name it

·       Claim it

·       Embrace it

·       Release it

First, we must be able to recognize and name the emotion we are feeling. Mark Brackett’s book Permission to Feel is one of the best resources I have found in the past 20 years to help with identifying and working with specific emotions. His Mood Meter app is a powerful tool to help articulate what we might be feeling. Essentially, if you cannot identify what you are feeling, it is difficult, if not impossible, to properly work through it.

Second, we need to understand that our emotions are ours. Neuroscience is showing that the connection between our thoughts and our emotions is a biological and chemical response to how we experience the world around us. If we are feeling something, it is due to our thought processes at work. Instead of blaming outside sources for our emotions, we need to own them. By doing so, we empower ourselves to address our emotions in a productive and healthy way.

Third, emotions exist for a reason. We need to experience them. We are biologically wired to be emotional beings to help us exist. When we have an emotional response, we need to ask why are we feeling this? What is this emotion telling us? No matter what we are feeling, if we understand its purpose, we can learn to express it appropriately and meaningfully.

Last, we must learn to release emotions in healthy ways. Every feeling is temporary, but we are not always effective in letting them go. Earlier this week, I was listening to Brené Brown’s podcast featuring Amelia and Emily Nagoski. They discussed their book Burnout: The Secret to Solving the Stress Cycle. One of their main points is that stress is a cycle with a beginning, middle, and ending. Until we complete the cycle, the chemical cocktail that comes from our emotional response to stress is still in our bodies. The big takeaway for me was the seven ways to close the cycle:

·       Physical Activity

·       Breathing

·       Positive Social Interaction

·       Affection

·       Crying

·       Laughter

·       Creative Expression

In the past 20 plus years, hundreds of studies have emerged showing the significance of emotions in every aspect of our lives. Being emotionally intelligent is not just a catch phrase, it is a critical component in living a meaningful and healthy life. We have more resources now than ever before on how to process emotions purposefully and effectively. It is up to us to incorporate these into our daily lives and to teach these as the norms of a well-balanced life for all future generations. By doing so, we can truly equip ourselves to live fully and abundantly.